Conference

Ryan had planned a hunting trip with his cousin Tygh about 2 months ago and it just so happened to fall on conference weekend. They did tons of planning and Ry was super determined and excited to come home with an elk. He took off. I was grateful that he was going. Sad he would be gone for a week, but glad that finally he decided to take a week off to himself. (which he has never done) At first I wasn't sure about the whole hunting thing and then when he reasurred me that if he were to bring home elk, it would be great organic meat:) I prepared for survival mode as a single mom and had some fun things planned. I even bought orange juice and pizza to make it exciting (mostly for myself) The oj. was for Em.
Ry was off and we had a good Friday. I took/dragged the kids to the craft store. Not sure why, the girls are fine, they just complain. Owen on the other hand is terrible, unless he WALKS.... that is what he wants to do at every store now. So if I lock him in the cart I have to be armed with food or just let the whole story listen to him whine and scream. We then went to the dollar store to pick out one thing for fun. Owen had fun looking at things and he actually did very well just following us everywhere. Ash picked out ring pops to share with everyone and Em was going to get some princess thing and then she spotted slinkies and she squealed with delight and her mind was made up! Sat. we went to howared Amon park for an arthritis walk/festival to support Michelle and walk. It was fun. We ended up staying for about 2 hours while the kids had fun with Parker and Tyler. I love Peter and Michelle they are such great friends! The kids were great about listening to conference. Naptime helped. I wished that Ry could have been here, but I was proud of myself for focusing. Last year, I don't remember anything. I think it always great to pray about it before. Lots of great messages. I especially loved Pres. Monson's talk on gratitude, so I have been lecturing a lot this past week:)I want to raise grateful kids. About 3:00, I was laying on the couch with Owen wrestling around me and I hear the door knob rattle and Ry walks through the door. Crazy. I was happy, but confused. At first I thought he was going to show me an elk in the buick or something. And then he explained. He said that after about a day he just started realizing he didn't want to be out there and that he didn't know what he was doing. He said there were so many people they were just hiking to get away from them. He couldnt' imagine staying out there for a week. He started missing us, feeling guilty and decided to come home. I was grateful that he was honest. We never made him feel bad for going, and he even said he wasn't sure why he was feeling that way. (just a family guy, gotta love it).Maybe hunting isn't his thing. I guess I married a fisherman!

The tooth is gone

Oct. 1st, Ashlyn's tooth was really lose the night before so I told her to keep working at it and wigglyin it to help it out sooner. I seriously was so giddy, i wanted to lose a tooth again. I was so excited for her to lose this tooth. This morning we told Dad about it and she was ready to have him pull it out. I actually thought there would be much whining and wailing. She came out with a smile, tissue in her mouth, and a tooth her in hand. Awesome! I was so proud of her. It's almost like I have come to terms with Ash growing up and getting older. She is in the real world, first grade, she lost her tooth. She is so big, just getting older way too fast. And now I just keep thinking that these things won't happen to Em and O. They won't lose teeth or go to first grade. I thought toddler/baby life was hard and a lot of work. Nope, I feel like I have to work even harder now to teach, love, teach, be an example, love, teach, help.....etc. It's tough, and sometimes I get way to overwhelmed and then I remember how much the Lord loves us and knows that Ryan and I are trying super hard to be a good family and that if keep working hard, Satan will stay away. I always have to think of my favorite quote in the hymn "How firm a foundation" Fear not I am with thee o be not dismayed for I am thy God and will still give thee aid. I no I have to get rid of my fear and trade it for faith. I know I can. I am happy to be rasing a family. Gratitude, and so grateful to have Ryan by my side.
He is hunting with Tygh right now. He deserves this vacation. I am happy he is having fun, and enjoying himself, but I realize HOW much of a huge role he plays in our lives. I thank him lots for his hard work as a PA, and a Dad. But it's so much more than that. I hope he ALWAYS knows of my thankful heart. :) The girls prayers these past few days have been all about dad and helping him to have fun and do good catching an animal:)

Productive

I feel so productive. I organized and consolidated bins of clothing. I feel very blessed to recieve hand me downs from others for the girls. I only buy them clothes EVERY once in a while. I remember ONE time splurging $60 on 4 dresses for them and that was the most. Usually it's just a few bucks here and there at garage sales. Owen has quite the wardrobe also. His clothes are super cute and only worn once by our friend Sam. Anyway, it feels so good to organize and clean out. I got some Halloween decorations out and made a few crafts last week. (plastic pumpkin, fabric, modpodge). Emry had fun putting up stickers on the windows. I have a drawing project to do, clean my room, the toy room and organize a closet. The list doesn't end, but it makes me feel good when it's on the list and it GETS done! Emry's favorite thing to do when Owen wakes up is go in his crib with him and play for about 15 min. No forcing, she just uses her creative mind and somehow can make him laugh a lot!

checkin in

This week Emry had to give a talk in primary. Such a big deal. It makes them feel so good and special. I make sure that what I write comes from them. I jotted down a few sentences that she said were her testimony of Jesus Christ, and how she felt his love. I was so ontop of it on Wednesday.
Owen is not liking nursery, today his has a runny nose so Ryan just took him to class. After I finished my class, it was my turn so I talked him into going to nursery with me. I snuck out the last 15 min and just stood in the hall.
Michelle came to tell me that Emry had a talk today. (when she said that I honestly ALMOST cried. I was soooo mad at myself for forgetting. She said that Emry was sooo excited and got up to give it, but she just told her she could give it next week.(I honestly felt like I was so lost in helping my other child that I forgot about Em. My mind flashed to getting ready for church and how we weren't flustered today, everyone was good we were at church on time, I even did some visiting teaching this morning. So I had to beat myself up for forgetting just a little bit.
I apologized to Emry and didn't say much, but she held up a bright orange card and said " LOOK MOM, I get to give 2 talks" with so much excitement in her voice.
It melted my heart. She didnt' care that I had forgotten, she just felt special that she gets to give ANOTHER talk. I love my kids so much. My heart is so full right now. I am very grateful for their health and how beautiful they are, how neat their hearts are, and just how stinkin fun they are. We had a great day. We have our family meeting every Sunday now, and I asked Emry what we should call it, her first response was "castle sports" so that is what we call it.
I know we are being blessed and the spirit is strong in our home. We are trying to read scriptures and pray and have FHE more often and I can feel the difference. I love that I can send Ash off to school knowing that she has the gospel in her heart.
The only words that I can think of right now are that I am filled with such gratitude. Thank you, Heavenly Father.

Journal

I just thought I would journal for the heck of it. One more week of school left for our little kindergarten girl. Ryan was lying with Emry in bed last night because she was screaming with an earache and I went in to tuck in Ashlyn, and she is so flipping tall, I said to Ryan "Look at her, she is a first grader!" He said..noooooooooooooooo.
That is too how I feel. I get stressed, worn out and just plain tired of the kids sometimes but the real of it all, is I want them to stop growing and stay little and innocent. How come the world has to be so scary? Anyway, we had family home evening last night. We haven't had it for a while, well, I shouldn't say that we of course have lots of family time since we are all home with each other a lot, but we had a lesson and a visual aid, which helps the kids learn more and it was great. Curious George is almost over so I am off to take Ash to school.
Gonna Do:
wash sheets, pay one more bill, make a thank you gift for Ash's teacher, enjoy the weather and play with the kids, and hope that Ry gets the raise he will ask for tonight

still can't sleep

Look what happens when you say never. I have hopefully never said that I wouldn't have a dog, but I have said that I would NEVER have an indoor dog. About 4 weeks ago Ryan begged me for dog. I said I wasn't ready. Long story short. We are taking care of a guys dog for him until he finds a place to rent where he can let the dog stay with him. He is paying us. I feel like it's a job, but it's been less than 48 hours since we got her (Hershe) and I am falling............in Love, I guess it's what you call it. I don't know, but she is sweet. She does what you say, she is potty trained, she is mellow, she is nice, she is pretty, and she doesn't stink. She DOES shed, but it's ok, because she can't be perfect. SHe is a purebred chocolate lab. The situation is new, I have accepted her as part of our family. The girls love her. She likes them and us and loves to just be loved. She is still getting used to Owen. Not sure about him yet. This was part of the reason I wasn't ready to have a dog (ther others were...too much money, to sad to make them sleep outside, and didn't want to get attached) WOOPS........ I am attached. Of course if she left tomorrow I wouldn't cry but I like her. I was telling Ryan the feelings I had last night were so strong. I was just so happy that this guy we hardly know wanted a place for his dog to stay and he just trusting us. I know we are good people, clean and will love the dog. I just makes me feel good. I made BLT's for dinner in honor of Hershe. Her owner told us maybe everyonce in a while she could have a piece of bacon. So tonight I made 9 pieces of bacon. Everyone (except Owen) got 2 and Hershe got one. It's LOVE I am telling you, pure love. Speaking of love. I asked Ryan tonight if he remembers the reason he feel in love with me and he said yes, and began to tell me why. It was something along the lines of that I was just natural and I was me and I was cool. Of course he said it much more amazing than that. I was lifted and flatered. I get down sometimes because I focus on the part of our marriage that has faded and how we aren't like we used to be in the begining. It's a thing I should work on. I lOVE rYAn.Sure we don't sit ontop of each other and smother each other 24 hours a day like we used to, but we are still happy. We have grown, we love, we are still intimate. I kissed him tonight, and it was because I love him and it was special and I wanted to keep kissing him. I love that feeling. Valentines day is this week. We are going on a date tomorrow. My goal is to just lose myself in him and not worry about kids. I want to think JUST RYan. I have been trying super hard lately to strengthen the family and it's been such a blessing, but I realize we have to work on marriage and it's ALL about balance.
MORE DATE NIGHTS TO COME..............
MONEY DOESN'T MATTER...................(gotta say that one over and over to myself)
MARRIAGE WILL STRENGTHEN OUR FAMILY..................

We have a dog in our house

Um, as most things I get super excited to start and then it FADES! Hey, I should give myself credit, I am at least writing again...right??...
Um, I WAS doing better. My pains are still sticking around. I kept running thinking it would help, but they arent' going away. I even did an exercise video today and thought they would magically be gone, but they are just the same. My back hurts as I am writing, and my wrist is flaring up really bad. I have to lay off of the push ups, which Jillian videos do a lot on your hands to build your core and arms. It's good stuff and I need my wrists. Challening time for me right now. I am struggling still with the eating. Just back to my habitual ways I guess. It's not a good excuse, but I have to get with it soon, because I dont' want to throw away my weight loss and I want to feel COMFORTABLE in swimsuit for the FIRST time in my life. We actually went swimming with some friends today at the raquet ball club. I felt ok in the suit. That Owen he was a stud muffin in his swim trunks. We all had a great time. It was a great feeling to swim with my children and friends and I wasnt' stressed. The girls and Owen were super great.
I better finish later and brush my teeth and go to bed. Owen is up at 5:30 and it's hurtin me.
Right now, it's the next day. I think I have a crush on a dog. I beautiful chocolate lab that isn't mine, but is in my house and I guess we are babysitting it. I have tears in my eyes right now, not for the dog, but for me. I have taken hold of my old habits and am eating to just eat. Not sure why. I have to figure it out. I am sad, not me and I want to be in control again. Tomorrow will tell. I will pray for strenght and support from Heavenly Father tonight. I know I am capable of doing it. I know I can, I just have to try harder. Ry and I watched BL (biggest loser) tonight. I am looking at so many cute crafts on peoples blogs and I just want to make, make, make STUFF. I love crafts, I love being creative. Now I just need to do and not DREAM! When my friend teaches me how to put my name on my pictures, i am going to start stickin up pictures. Lots of to do's. TOday I LOVED my children. I do everyday, but it's one thing I feel like I did good today. The sun was out and we went for a walk with Hershe. Em and Ash rode their scooters and I pushed Owen in the stroller. I love my babies!

Weighing in

Around October I finally got back into action and started exercising and eating less. Long story short, I did so stinkin good. Around december I noticed 20 pounds had melted off of me. I started noticing a lot of it coming off fairly quick in Dec. My mom gave me a gift card for my birthday and bought some clothes. I stuck myself into a size 8 pair of jeans. I was so happy. I felt great and then after that they started to hang off my butt. I then went to Tjmaxx and tried on a pair of jeans that were size 6 and there were perfect. Ok, not perfect in the stomach area but they are strecthy so I made it work. I felt awesome. I survived the December month with so much stinkin food and kept myself exercising. So proud. I had my off days, but I got back on track. I eat what I want, I listen to my body and I am in control. That is how I have to do it. Ok, now lets jump forward to the middle of January, somewhere someday about 2 1/2 weeks ago I lost it, and 5 days became 6 and 7 where, I was just eating tons to eat tons and thought I would get back into my routine. It's been depressing, I am still in it my rutt. I am sad to say that I have gained around 6-7 pounds BACK.......YES, that shows you that when I am not losing what am I doing? I am GAINING.. I have no stinking control.
Ashlyn said the family prayer for the night and she prayed for me that I would exercise and get healthy. I didn't tell her to do that. But I felt the blessing and went with it. I know I have to do my part. i know that with this attitude I have right now I could easily put back on 12 more pounds and be back where I was. These are my weaknesses. I have to work hard everyday. I have to measure and count calories for the rest of my life. It's what I have to do to stay in control. I am ok with it, I am just not ok with going completely haywire like I am doing right now, and letting FOOD CONTROL ME. It has won EVERYDAY for the last few weeks. I just ate an entire large bag of m&ms in less than 14 hours. I haven't even admitted that one to my husband I am so ashamed. So when you read this Ryan, I am admitting to you that I at a large bag of m&m's all to myself. WAIt, I actually shared 4 handfulls with the preschool children that were at my house this week.
146 ........GOODBYE........ 139 here I come once again. My main goal is to be around 133 or 130 and try and maintain that. My huge goal is to have tonned arms and a somewhat small stomach.
Today was a good day, well minus the m&m's that won :). My kids are amazing, cute adorable and they love me. My husband laughs and is nice to me when I am angry and mean and grumpy. I took the kids to the park. We got there and Owen cried. I sat him on the bench and took pictures of him crying. Then I fed him some Pb sandwich. Ashlyn wanted to talk to me with a play microphone on the playset, so I went and as I passed the huge puddle of water on the end of the slide I said....sort of loud..
girls, there is lots of water on the slides"
30 seconds later Emry came weeing down the slide so happy until she reached the pond at the end. She got off and cried as though the world was over. I was calm and told her we would fix it. Got in the car, drove home, fixed it and went back to the park.

I am getting excited to redecorate and paint our toyroom this weekend. hopefully I can choose a color and make some decisions. Can't decide if I should bold or nuetral.

This is my start

I have a blog for family that I started so that family could see pictures of us and the kids, but then I found myself wanting to journal and felt like they might be bored about my stuff. My friend started a blog for herself and I decided I would follow. I am going to be COMPLETELY me. I am 29 and I am done comparing myself to people. Each day I try to find out who I am, and try to be a better mom, and wife. It's my job, and I want to be good at it. I love other things like crafts and photography, and well food of course. I am on a journey to get my body fit and I am struggling each day to not let food win!! I try to teach my kids health, the gospel and to just have fun and have a good attitude. I am not perfect, but I want to capture my journey as a mother. I would love extra money to decorate which I also have a passion for and so someday hopefully I can be creative and share my talents with others. I've got tons of blessings to be thankful for each day. So this is a way I am going to let loose. Heck, maybe through my journal someone and sharing my talents i can inspire someone as others have inspired me.