Weighing in

Around October I finally got back into action and started exercising and eating less. Long story short, I did so stinkin good. Around december I noticed 20 pounds had melted off of me. I started noticing a lot of it coming off fairly quick in Dec. My mom gave me a gift card for my birthday and bought some clothes. I stuck myself into a size 8 pair of jeans. I was so happy. I felt great and then after that they started to hang off my butt. I then went to Tjmaxx and tried on a pair of jeans that were size 6 and there were perfect. Ok, not perfect in the stomach area but they are strecthy so I made it work. I felt awesome. I survived the December month with so much stinkin food and kept myself exercising. So proud. I had my off days, but I got back on track. I eat what I want, I listen to my body and I am in control. That is how I have to do it. Ok, now lets jump forward to the middle of January, somewhere someday about 2 1/2 weeks ago I lost it, and 5 days became 6 and 7 where, I was just eating tons to eat tons and thought I would get back into my routine. It's been depressing, I am still in it my rutt. I am sad to say that I have gained around 6-7 pounds BACK.......YES, that shows you that when I am not losing what am I doing? I am GAINING.. I have no stinking control.
Ashlyn said the family prayer for the night and she prayed for me that I would exercise and get healthy. I didn't tell her to do that. But I felt the blessing and went with it. I know I have to do my part. i know that with this attitude I have right now I could easily put back on 12 more pounds and be back where I was. These are my weaknesses. I have to work hard everyday. I have to measure and count calories for the rest of my life. It's what I have to do to stay in control. I am ok with it, I am just not ok with going completely haywire like I am doing right now, and letting FOOD CONTROL ME. It has won EVERYDAY for the last few weeks. I just ate an entire large bag of m&ms in less than 14 hours. I haven't even admitted that one to my husband I am so ashamed. So when you read this Ryan, I am admitting to you that I at a large bag of m&m's all to myself. WAIt, I actually shared 4 handfulls with the preschool children that were at my house this week.
146 ........GOODBYE........ 139 here I come once again. My main goal is to be around 133 or 130 and try and maintain that. My huge goal is to have tonned arms and a somewhat small stomach.
Today was a good day, well minus the m&m's that won :). My kids are amazing, cute adorable and they love me. My husband laughs and is nice to me when I am angry and mean and grumpy. I took the kids to the park. We got there and Owen cried. I sat him on the bench and took pictures of him crying. Then I fed him some Pb sandwich. Ashlyn wanted to talk to me with a play microphone on the playset, so I went and as I passed the huge puddle of water on the end of the slide I said....sort of loud..
girls, there is lots of water on the slides"
30 seconds later Emry came weeing down the slide so happy until she reached the pond at the end. She got off and cried as though the world was over. I was calm and told her we would fix it. Got in the car, drove home, fixed it and went back to the park.

I am getting excited to redecorate and paint our toyroom this weekend. hopefully I can choose a color and make some decisions. Can't decide if I should bold or nuetral.